CUPCAKES (KILL PEOPLE, BURN SHIT, FUCK SCHOOL REMIX)

"WOLF. GANG. GOLF. WANG. WOLF. GANG. GOLF. WANG. WOLF. GANG. KILL. THEM. ALLLLLLLL!"

Pinkie Pie dropped the pages she'd been reading, her hooves numb with shock. The dark, menacing voice pouring out of the victrola continued to sing about murder, vandalism, and other, less pleasant, things. In the distance, she heard a door open.

"Pinkie Pie?" Fluttershy blinked in surprise. "What's going on?"

"You tell me!" Pinkie trembled. "I came here to give you a fresh batch of Pinkie Brittle, and I found... THIS!" Pinkie pointed accusingly at the hastily scrawled pages littering the floor. "Why are you writing nasty stories about me and Dashie?! I won't be able to eat cupcakes for a week!"

Fluttershy gave a deeply embarrassed blush. "...oh." She stared down at her hooves, too mortified to look Pinkie in the eyes. "I, um, never meant for anypony but me to read that. Super sorry. It's, um, part of my routine."

"Routine?"

"Yes," Fluttershy nodded. Walking over to the shelf behind the victrola, she removed a record sleeve. On its cover was a dark-skinned apelike creature staring, dead-eyed, into empty space. The word "GOBLIN" was imprinted on his face. "See, a few months ago, I was collecting herbs in the Everfree Forest and poof! This appeared. I asked Zecora what the thing on the cover was, and she said they're called 'hughmanns'. I guess lots of them live in the place she came from. I was curious about these strange animals, so I brought the album home and put it on the turntable." Fluttershy gingerly lifted the record needle and dropped it on a different track.

"I'm a fuckin' walkin' paradox/No I'm not/Threesomes with a fuckin' triceratops/Reptard/Rapping as I mock deaf rock stars..." the voice sang. Pinkie's jaw hung open. If this was how hughmanns spoke, she certainly wouldn't want to party with them! They sounded terribly vicious.

"I know," Fluttershy nodded at Pinkie's reaction. "That's what I thought when I heard OFWGKTA for the first time." Pinkie stared at her blankly. "It's short for O(dd) F(uture) W(olf) G(ang) K(ill) T(hem) A(ll)."

"Why would you listen to a band called that, Fluttershy?" Pinkie asked. "And what the hay does it have to do with that sicky-icky story?"

Fluttershy sighed. "Well, like I said, I was surprised as you when I heard it for the first time. In fact, I had half a mind to throw it off the record player and into the garbage. But as I kept listening... Yes, it's crude and violent, but there's a vulnerability to it, too. The offensiveness is the singer's way of relieving his anger over things he's powerless against." She winced as a quite graphic lyric bled through the speakers. "Though it would be nice if they mentioned rape a bit less..." she whispered meekly.

Pinkie's mouth tried to make sounds, but abject horror refused to let them leave her throat.

"I know. But listening to something so bleak, so wildly unlike me, is... fun. I get to live as somepony with no limits or weaknesses. And it's pretty obvious they're horsing around by coming up with the worst things they can think of." Fluttershy took a deep breath. "So, about a month ago, I started trying my hoof at it. After I come home from my animal duties, or one of our adventures, I put the record on and just... write."

Fluttershy glided over to the desk the story had been laying on and opened a drawer. She handed Pinkie a few shoddily stapled reams of paper. Pinkie's eyes scanned over the words covering the pages. Here was a story about Twilight using magic to perform abortions in a grimy warehouse. And another one about Rarity stitching together dresses made of horsemeat. And one with Applejack being turned to stone by a cockatrice and smashed to bits in a rock quarry. Rainbow Dash as a vengeful pimp in a decaying motel. Oddly enough, each successive story, while grim, showed signs of improvement. In fact, by the time Pinkie reached the horrific climax of the last story, where a severely injured Rainbow Dash leaps off the motel roof with the lifeless body of her top earner, she was strangely moved.

"Gosh, I didn't mean to upset you, Pinkie," Fluttershy said. "Nopony but me was supposed to see these. In fact, the cupcakes one was my first attempt. I had it out because I was planning to throw it away, but Angel told me about a frog with a sprained ankle and-"

"Aw, it's okay, Fluttershy." Pinkie said, handing the stories back to buttercup-hued pegasus. "I shouldn't have been a nosy-rosie-posie and looked at your private papers. And despite the ooky stuff in there, you're pretty good at writing. But, um, can I make one eensie-teensie request?"

"Sure."

"Can you stop using us in your stories? It's sorta creepy. Actually, alotta creepy."   

"Deal." Fluttershy returned to the shelf behind the victrola. "I think I have something that'll make you feel better," she said, pulling another record from the shelf. "Hughmann albums are starting to pop up in the Everfree Forest once or twice a week now, and I've been collecting them here. I want you to have this one."

Pinkie frowned. A lighter-skinned hughmann with unkempt hair and copious amounts of blood running down his face stared at her from the album cover. Fine, she'd accept Fluttershy's gift. But if this hughmann's music was as mean and scary as the ones Fluttershy liked, it was going straight into the trash chute!

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"Thank Celestia you're here, Rainbow Dash," Mrs. Cake sighed. "If you can't get her to come out, nothing will."

"Any idea why Pinkie hasn't left her apartment in three days?" Dash asked as she casually flew up the stairs. Faint guitar chords filtered through the walls.

"She mentioned something about a gift from Fluttershy the last time I saw her."

"Hmm." Dash heard singing, but the door muffled the sound. She tapped the door loudly. "Pinkie? It's me."

The music stopped, and the door swung open to reveal Pinkie Pie with the most joyously manic expression Dash had ever seen on the pudgy pastel mare's face. "DASHIIIEEE!" she squealed ecstatically, pulling the rainbow-maned pegasus through the threshold. "I'm sorry I haven't called you, but something ultra super amazing happened."

"What?"

Pinkie trotted over to her record player and dropped the needle once more. "It's time to party, Let's party/Hang out with yourself and have a crazy party/Hey you, let's party/Have a killer party and Party!" a voice sang/screamed.

"Isn't it great?!" Pinkie shouted. "It's like this Andrew WK guy took part of my Pinkie-Thinkin' and made it into music!" Pinkie's stomach growled harshly.

"Are you OK, Pinkie?" Dash raised an eyebrow. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Uhh, two days ago, maybe? But it doesn't matter! I don't need food or sleep! I'm running on 8000 volts of pure, uncut partying, and I have at least another day's worth of it before I crash!" Rainbow Dash yelped as Pinkie suddenly grabbed her, flinging her onto the bed. Pinkie leaned over Dash, staring fondly into her eyes. "Would you like me to share some of that energy with you?"

Dash smiled.